On powerlifting

(Context: Last month I completed 6 months of powerlifting. At the same time, my Coach asked if I would be open to talking about my journey as part of a short promotional video to encourage more folks to consider the sport, which I felt immensely grateful for (and excited about!) since it gave me a chance to look back and gather my thoughts. Plus, it was a totally new experience to do lifts in front of a camera while talking! The points listed here are the ones we discussed - I had more to say, but sharing it as this version in the spirit of ‘done is better than perfect.’)

I took up powerlifting 6 months ago. It has honestly been one of the best gifts I have given to myself. Powerlifting comprises three strength sports: squat, deadlift and bench press. In my case, I have been taking coached sessions that span 8 weeks in one stretch and you focus on improving your form and technique across these three sports, but also on improving strength in general.

Growing up I never thought of myself as a very athletic kid. The past few years have felt super gratifying in that sense to be able to challenge that notion of being athletic or excited about sports in my head. For the longest time, I have been curious about lifting heavy weights -- the research on all the benefits for women plus the alarming rate at which we lose muscle mass had started to weigh on me (no pun intended). While I am better about signing up for endurance races (and mostly following through), strength training has been like this mystical goal which on some days I've felt super pumped about, but when the physical goal plate ever got too full, this was the first thing to go. I have been lucky to have had amazing HIIT instructors & triathlon coaches, so the foundation was there but still couldn't get myself to go up to a barbell. It somehow signified a lot more to me than just a bar with weights.

There were so many factors at play here; one, some of us have a tendency to "get too much in our head." Sometimes I have this notion that I need to think my way to a decision. But as I am slowly learning, a lot of decisions end up actually being guided by this idea of not feeling completely ready, yet going ahead with the gut feeling and preparation anyway (note: this likely doesn't apply for all sports).  The second reason was that I didn't "feel like" someone who lifts, I didn't think I looked like someone who could do this.

Some unrelated events earlier this year also led me to rethink my relationship with everything that I spend my day on, and I found myself asking, "what exactly am I waiting for?" Before committing though, I joined a regular strength training session with the coaches who offer powerlifting, and loved it. I have a weird relationship with cardio wherein I will hate it until I cross a threshold, & then I'm sold. Having a session designed entirely around strength just felt so different and I felt curious about where this could go. I asked the coaches (one of them was a woman, bonus points!) if someone like me who has never even touched a barbell could try her 101 class. Her unequivocal "Absolutely!" sealed the deal for me. 

That was 6 months ago and I've loved the process and the journey since then. I have hit PRs I am really proud of but I didn’t want to write about only those milestones, because it is not just about the numbers or how heavy you are able to deadlift / squat / bench (those matter too, but that's not all!). Rather for me it is also about the mindset shift and all the fascinating stuff that happens around those absolute numbers. Like how a certain workout/weight seemed too daunting in your head, but today your hands just gravitate to the knurling to find the position without doubting yourself. How one "bad lift" doesn't mean something negative, it means that  you failed safely - something that the sport actually encourages. Some other aspects that stood out for me:

- Possibilities: I've had earlier notions of what I can do and what I am capable of, but this sport truly is really more mental than physical and stretches you in many ways. It has shattered my own notions about what's possible. It has made me question that if I can do this, what else can I do? I recently hit my PR on deadlifts and crossed 200 lbs, something I would have not imagined to be feasible previously.

- Trusting yourself: When I plant my feet on the ground and I'm getting set up, I am trusting my mind and body in an insane way. It has helped me tune in just a tad bit more to what's on the inside, rather than the external metrics and the external environment in general.

- Failing safely: Too often, we worry about failure to the extent that we never even start. The idea of progressive overloading with weights seems to build on this notion that you need to challenge yourself  and sometimes that means (safely) attempting to lift to failure. It could be a bench press that you couldn't go low enough on, or a deadlift you abandoned midway or a squat that your spotters had to swoop in for. But it's a part of getting better, and there is zero judgment. This has made me question my relationship with failure outside of the sport as well and also think about what would it mean to "fail safely" as an expected part of getting stronger.

- Strong bodies: All our lives as women, we are given signals about the role of our bodies - they need to look a certain way to fit in or meet some other crazy bar.  Some of this messaging is subtle, but hasn't stopped it from becoming a part of my narrative (and for a lot of women around me as well). Sometimes I catch myself thinking my face looks "too big" or I wish my body looked more like the "accepted norms." But watching my body perform during powerlifting or any of the sports in general  has turned these notions on their head. It might take a long time to decouple myself from assumptions of how my body should look, but I definitely think of the word "strong" now everytime I think about it. Powerlifting (and sports in general) has helped me get a new kind of admiration for what my mind and body are capable of, and it is harder to go back to the old ways of solely viewing it through the lens of looks.

- Community: Pushing yourself as part of a cohort who are all fighting their own fears & doubts and yet nudging you for one more rep, has been an amazing thing to witness. Having awesome coaches, especially a female coach, with whom you can talk about your doubts, your body and your journey has been a game changer too. We are all at different points in our journey, it doesn't feel as if you are competing with others; you are encouraging them to push themselves and become better in their own way, just as they are doing the same for you. Everyone's journey and goals are unique, not too far from life outside the sport. 

For these reasons & more, I've been telling my friends (especially women) about this. While I’ve written this piece focused on powerlifting, almost all of this could apply to any strength training program. We are all stronger together and I would love for more folks to explore the space, and be there to support you in your journey of taking better care of yourself, and pushing yourself beyond what you've been told you can do, just as many others have done for me. Hope this helps!

Getting back to Running!

Super excited that I completed 50 miles of running in a month (Jan 2021) - this is the longest running streak I’ve had since my injury/half ironman race, over 1.5 years ago. This weekend, I also completed the Hot Chocolate 15k run - definitely the longest run since then :)

I have the hardest time motivating myself to start a run - so last month I signed up for any and every virtual challenge that came my way - no shame in wanting a medal/ badge/schwag for getting off the couch, whatever it takes! The Hot Chocolate 15k took a while to build up to, but Strava and Garmin have lots of variety in the challenges they offer (feel free to reach out if you’re curious)!

I was one of those people who worshipped pace and would get discouraged because I wasn’t fast enough. In some ways, I still do and hope to be a fast runner someday! But I am realizing and appreciating how slowing down will eventually make me a better runner; how not being crazy tired for the next run will mean that I actually put in the miles and the work (the famous 80-20 method, more on that in another post!); and how being regular/consistent trumps being fast any day. I am also realizing that those slow weekday runs that seem dull and repetitive are what eventually form the base of a solid long run (like everything else in life!).

I have a long way to go (I’m training for the marathon distance!) but here’s to small wins and celebrating showing up :) Lets see how far this goes :D 

Sharing it here for my own motivation and in case someone else can relate too.

Are you getting back to running/ starting to run more or any other activity? How do you motivate yourself? Are there folks you follow/ talk to, who help motivate you? Lots of such peeps on my list!

(I’ve been meaning to post about this for a while, but my impostor syndrome keeps making me think I should wait till I have something more ‘significant’ to say..we all know how that goes) 

Race Journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019

IronMan 70.3 Santa Rosa: 1.2 mile swim + 56 miles biking + 13.1 mile run

The first one!

(Pic credits: Sumit and Neha)

"She is a woman of few words.." - said no one ever about me.
Similar to its predecessor, this one is going to be long. I've broken it down into parts so that the less amused reader can skip through the entire back story and/or the forward moving one.

The actual triathlon training this year started in Feb 2019 (ish), but in reality it all started to get serious only in April.

[Part I of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] The off-season, the buildup and the rise (Sep 2018- Apr 2019)

[Part II of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] The fall and the revival (May - June 2019)

[Part III of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] Taper and the race day!

[Part IV of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] Learning beyond the training plan

[Part V of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] Random musings from the first-timer

[Part V of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] Random musings from the first timer

[Forked from the entire race report for ease of reading]
Previous: [Part IV of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] Learning beyond the training plan

Heads-up: This part might be too detailed or too long or TMI for some of the readers. I am writing this to keep track for myself and in the hope that there is atleast one person out there who will read some part here and pick up something useful.

Some random musings from the race training, I totally admit I wrote these for myself and have no guarantees that these will do wonders for anyone else:

I had to be mentally convinced about it before I could physically do it.
I was one of the slowest people in our sprint/Olympic gang and haven’t done an Olympic triathlon yet. I used to ride behind coach while he was sweeping for the bike rides. I had never once clocked the speed I would eventually need for meeting the bike cutoff. But I was the first one to sign up for the half Ironman in our cohort. Not sure if it works for you, but for me, signing up needs no training and you have to be willing to see something beyond and trust your body and mind to work, even if it seems impossible.

The goal will seem far, get used to it.
Throughout the training I would evaluate and re-evaluate my progress. I would make notes and try to see if I did anything better. What didn’t change was the fact that the actual 70.3 distance seemed impossible. What did change was the fact that I started seeing incremental progress towards that goal and began trusting the process. The goal will appear impossible, but don’t let that derail your decision to try. You don’t need to know everything or be a certain way when you start- all you need is an appetite to push yourself and be prepared to fail.

Don't go easy on yourself
It is important to push.

Don’t be afraid to let triathlon thoughts mingle with other parts of your life
It helps to know what drives you and what kind of a life makes you happy. While I knew I had a problem with saying yes to too many things, I also knew I loved having a full life which explored different parts of me. This meant triathlon had to be balanced with improv, work, social life and personal life. I knew giving up one of these would make me miserable but I also knew that I had to drop a lot of other things that were not in this scope. It also helped to draw parallels between different parts- I had switched to a new role at work in Feb and it felt a huge jump from my current skill set. Everyday I would come home discouraged about whether I had made the wrong choice in stretching. But the more progress I made at work, the better I felt about my training and vice versa. The more I was willing to let go and be in the moment at improv, the better I got at my training and vice versa.

But when the time comes, don’t hesitate to drop things
I had been doing HIIT since September 2017. Ramping up the half Ironman training meant crunching in two workouts in a day and moving around schedules to drive to either place on weekdays. At some point, my body and mind were pushed to the limit. I was hesitant about dropping HIIT but it was probably the best decision because it freed up mental cycles.

Don’t forget what your life looks like outside talking about triathlon
..especially if you care about having other friends! But be prepared for people to not understand.

Respect your body for what it is doing
When you train with a cohort that is as amazing as mine, it can be super motivating. But the flip side is when you put in the work and don’t see the gains you think you should see, it can be honestly very frustrating. This training season, I learnt to respect my body for what it was becoming independent of any metrics that my mind had preconceived notions about. Could I run a 10:00 min mile consistently even though for most people that was a slow pace? No. But I was running at 11:00 which was faster that what I had done earlier. Was I hitting 17mph average speeds? Lolwa! But I was maintaining a slightly higher pace for 4x the distance and more than 2x the elevation than I had done earlier. And I was also looking more colorful on the bike rides than ever (okay, I made that last one up)
You will find out about random things in your body and oddities that you had never encountered.
I was pushing myself beyond my current capacity and that meant being prepared for all kinds of pain and random diagnosis. It’s all part of the journey.

Experiment with nutrition and draw reasonable boundaries
If you are a hungry person, don’t be ashamed to admit it!

This won’t be your last race
..hopefully!

Don’t forget to laugh at yourself
The number of jokes people have cracked at my expense of not being able to eat/drink on the bike or coming in two hours after the first person on the training ride is crazy high. It was funny and I would exaggerate these till the point that none of it was personal. This also included jokes about my "not so subtle" open water swim tactics. This is who I was and if no one else, at least I got some entertainment value out of my attempts.

Whatever you do, don’t forget your spirit
I am (in)famous for not going down without a fight if someone came too close in open water swim and for not being very soft spoken when I overtook folks on the bike. It is these small things that my mind would pick up and choose to focus on, rather than the fact that I was messing up so much. Don't forget the swagger!

Get comfortable in your company 
I love talking, so I would do it when I was scared or losing motivation or falling behind. I would talk to Mirchi on the crazy downhills as I freaked out about going too fast. I would think of lyrics and words which have power and sing. Find your companion.

When the going gets tough, make sure you complain
It is hard, it is frustrating, it is bound to knock the winds out of you. Don’t be afraid of complaining about it and letting it out. I found it easier to do something after I had ranted about how hard this was. I used to complain all the time about riding next to vehicular traffic and then I would go on the road and realize that actually I might have talked myself out of that fear. I would hate the thought of 50+ mile bike rides, but on the bike I would freely curse the route creator and anyone going slow or fast and all this helped keep me sane.

Get to know your cohort. 

Talk out your problems early on
Make sure there is something bigger to worry about and the smaller worries will pass under the radar (Okay I'm kidding!)

Life will happen and your schedule will mess up. 
The sooner you accept it and plan for it, the better. Some days will be a drag. The sooner you accept it and plan around it, the better it will be. You go through a whole gamut of emotions, it is all part of the journey. You’ll see a lot of things that could have been better if something was set right earlier in your life, but it wasn’t and that’s that. These are the cards we are dealt and you play with them.

It is so liberating to just have you and your bike or you and your wetsuit and you and your shoes, that be enough. As the Angry Bird says, there is freedom in movement and this is definitely a joy not everyone has- don’t forget to feel it.


If you’re a woman, it might feel harder. 
Find your allies. Find out who inspires you, both inside and outside the program! Outside the program, I regularly follow some amazing female athletes- what I see, I can aspire to! Ditch what society might have taught you about female bonding and stereotypes, we can all lift each other up and we can all do this together.

It takes a village!
As I mentioned in the race day report, my race is a culmination of so many experiences and contributions to my journey from so many people. Lean on others, let them lean on you. When I cross the finish line, so does everyone else who helped me. When they cross it, a part of me wins too :)

This is your race!
Don't hesitate to do things your way :)

[Part IV of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] Learning beyond the training plan

[Forked from the entire race report for ease of reading]
Previous: [Part III of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] Taper and the race day!

Heads-up: This part might be too detailed or too long or TMI for some of the readers. I am writing this to keep track for myself and in the hope that there is atleast one person out there who will read some part here and pick up something useful.

There are a lot of things that I thought about or worked on beyond the training plan to make the final day happen. Here are some of these:

Nutrition

This is critical! I used to primarily run earlier and I would never think of fueling mid run. During the races I would liberally use the aid stations. This had to change once I switched to longer triathlons since as our coaches and mentors stressed, our bodies are going through a lot and you need to eat before you need it (definitely before you think you need it!). I experimented with gels and found that e-gel worked fine for me every hour. I also found out that I am a hungry woman so I needed close to 300 cals on the bike. In the end I settled on 150 cals from Tailwind mixed in my hydroblade and 150 from e-gels. I would also carry a small ziploc with nuts in case timing goes off by a few minutes or if I need to change the taste. Also, don't go by someone else's estimate of how much is needed! Your body is unique.

Contacts vs glasses

I have myopia and I also pay too much attention to irrelevant details. Which meant unlike some others, I couldn't wing it and just wear normal swim goggles or sunglasses. Wearing one-day contacts in water is not the best decision but it worked for me last year. However, as the distances get longer, so does the probability of your contacts drying out mid-race. Also, it just didn't feel as the best idea to use contacts given that my left eye still had remnants of the swelling. In the end I decided to use prescription swim goggles and then switching to contacts in T1 but keeping a pair of prescription sunglasses as backup- if there is wind or your eyes are too dry, your contacts may not go in as easily. I used a combination of sanitizer, then drying off the extra, putting some lens solution and then handling the lenses.

Cleats

I can't stress this enough- if you are planning to use cleats, get them in the off-season and practice in a parking lot. The trainer is good to get used to how to move your legs and get accustomed to cleats, but it is no match for real life riding. For instance, I practiced cleating and uncleating on my right side throughout the trainer phase. Before I used cleats on a weekend ride, I noticed my stopping routine on platform pedals and realized that actually my left foot goes down by default when I stop at a traffic signal and bending the bike at an angle helps me keep the balance when one foot in cleated in. Make sure you notice things like that and get comfortable early on. If you are anything like me, remind yourself that you will never feel completely ready to use them until you start and even after that- just get used to it.

Aero bars

I got aero bars installed on my bike soon after the bike fit and in the beginning it felt like a not so useful add-on given that I couldn't even take my hands off the bike handle to drink water. However, once I had these, I got used to them sooner than I thought and it helped immensely in powering through the flats and when I needed a different bike position. I also tried to train my mind to treat going on the aero bars as the start of a push phase so when I mentally started to drift, I would go down on the aero bars and let the habit kick in. But be prepared for your bike to handle differently because of the weight and placement of the aero bars - I wouldn't add these extremely close to the race.

Get to know your gear

By the time race day rolled out, I had tried every single thing in my bag, including backups. This is how I work and feel reassured. Find your balance and make sure you are familiar with everything- on race day you won't have the luxury of calm and serenity (or logic!). Also, practice beforehand with a fuel belt if you know you might use one on race day. Have a pre-race checklist ready, as well as list of what is needed in each bag (e.g. this is a great list).

Clean your bike!

That chain might actually be silver colored and not black.

Taper blues are a real thing!

Read this.

Periods

Where to start on this one..I'm no expert but a cycle can roughly last 28-35 days (don't quote me on this). If you are one of the "lucky ones" it will be frequent as a month. If you are "even luckier", the blood flow will last 5-7 days. In some cases, you will feel weird symptoms mid-cycle. In some more cases yet, you will get hit with terrible Pre-Menstrual symptoms (PMS) almost a week +/- 2 days before the actual date. In yet more cases, if your flow is heavy enough, you will feel that loss and life will feel drab and dull. Some women get cramps terrible enough that they can't walk or can barely get out of bed.  I could go on and on but the point is that every woman experiences these in a different way and this is an important part of our existence and training.

When I did the math for myself, it was hilarious- there would not be many days during the month when I won't be dealing with a hormonal thing or the actual periods. This meant, making sure that training didn't halt because of this. I did adjust as and when my body demanded, but I also had to learn to push where in the past I wouldn't have. For instance, on one of the days, all the guys did 3 Eden repeats and I barely did 2 but was drained because of my periods. Sumit and I discussed that I could just do a slightly easier flat but in the moment I remember telling him, what if this happens on race day! I was very very slow, but I did that third hill repeat. In stark contrast, there were days when I took the swim gear with me or was prepared to run or go for HIIT, and would make a last minute call to skip it because my body just wasn't ready. Until last year, this felt unfair and I felt frustrated. I also found that inspite of all the hours I was putting in my performance numbers would get impacted by the time of the month! However, this year, I was prepared for this to not stop me. I didn't time the phases as much as I could have (next time!) but I definitely worked on the mental aspect of not letting this derail my progress. I do believe I have become more consistent with working out given the cycles.

Until last year when I started training for the sprint triathlon, I had never used a tampon. I never had to, because I would just avoid the activity if I was on my period. Just like the rest of my gear, I took time to make sure I am comfortable using these if needed. In addition, the actual race is 8.5 hours. Add the time that you'll take before the race to change into race gear and after race before you get to a restroom, you are easily looking at 9.5-10 hours. Based on my online searches and talking to friends, this exceeded the recommended time of 8 hours (which will be shorter if you have a heavy flow). So, I tried to teach myself how to change the tampon quickly if needed in places that will not be your apartment, and more important, how to not get frustrated when others can easily transition from one activity to another while you have to rush to the restroom and figure out how to do this. In addition, it also helped to have this happen to me on really hot rides because that added an extra challenge.
Also, if you don't cut the thread, apply chafing cream to the thread, otherwise be prepared for a sore bottom (true story!).
If you are anything like me, your stomach will be bloated for an arbitrary amount of time, the gels which work fine won't sit too well in your stomach, your lower back might hurt etc etc. I found it best to be aware of all this beforehand and to not let this throw me off course if this happened on race day.

Next: [Part V of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] Random musings from the first-timer

[Part III of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] Taper and the race day!

[Forked from the entire race report for ease of reading]
Previous: [Part II of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] The fall and the revival (May - June 2019)

Taper!

I thought I'll enjoy taper but in reality, I had almost all the symptoms detailed in this article that Coach Char sent:  the fatigue and little aches and grumpy and depressed part. I was freaking out about my bike not being OK because the brakes would occasionally start squealing and the gear shifting wasn't smooth and even after a tune-up, I wasn't reassured. This would eat up many brain cycles. Sumit helped us clean our bikes a few days before the race and that helped (thanks!). Three-ish weeks before the race I got a persistent dull pain in my right shoulder. Immediate thought was rotator cuff but after a PT appointment, she told me it was the trap muscles and that in general the shoulder needed some long term effort. In the short term, some exercises and a sports massage fixed this.

Lesson: Don't wait until the end for a sports massage, the benefits are for real!

The other highlight was Donner lake swim. I had done the 0.5 mile swim here last year with my cohort and it was so much fun! The drive to Donner lake with Deepak, Souj, Ashish and James and then spending a chill evening with them, and Neha and Sumit felt so nice, especially considering all the other race things I was thinking about!
On the Donner lake swim morning, I was excited about the 1.2 mile swim. I started slow and never found anyone to draft for long (story of all my swims!) but found a rhythm pretty soon and then pushed through. Coach Char had told us to not go crazy on the swim since we were one week out from the main race. In addition, he had told us that no matter what happens, this should not affect our race next week. I was bummed out by James' experience but I was also not too worried about him. I was happy for other people in my cohort who had come a long way to do the 1.2 mile swim just like me! As for me, I was mentally prepared for the swim to go either way - I'm glad it went well. I finished it under an hour (around 57 mins).

The next part was to pack for the race. I was heading out of office for a backpacking trip right after the race, which meant work and logistics were a nightmare. I spent most of the race week running around like a headless chicken. What gave me solace was the fact that I wasn't worried about the actual race as much, it was the packing and the logistics and the actual bike etc- this helped keep me sane since all of these were fixable.

James, Ashish and I coordinated and drove on Friday morning before the race. We left super early but by now I was used to waking up slightly before my usual time to fit in work and workouts so wasn't too sleep deprived. We checked in and got all the labels. I obviously over thought all logistical steps but thankfully it was done! We checked in the bikes and then decided to drive the bike course. James found this boring but it helped me because I saw some hard parts which would come up after another hard segment- this meant that I would need to be mentally prepared. We all got late after this so everyone headed straight to lunch (Indian buffet). We came to the airbnb, I napped for a bit (unsuccessfully), checked and rechecked my bags and finally slept. 

Race day!

Woke up at 3:15, woke up a lot more in between but I was expecting that so would have some water and try to sleep off again. Ate a PBJ and banana in the morning, my stomach was not too thrilled and and that was a first. It has possibly never happened but oh well, I had a race to go to.

Swim: Ready, Fire..aim!  [2,402yd, 53:05, 2:12/100yd]

(title credit: Surya) I was a little nervous at the swim start but mostly due to logistics. We had seen the transition the previous day but there were too many back and forth trips between the bike and the gear bag (which was on the far end of transition area). In hindsight, we should have come earlier and done things in one shot. Also, the line to the restrooms got crazy long and I wasted some more time - should use the restroom first.

In all of this, I forgot to eat a gel and felt super hungry right before the swim start. I saw Coach Char right before I went in and told him I was hungry, he reassured me (as usual) that it would all be OK when I start. I placed myself at the end of the 40-43 mins group- talent or not, need to be crazy first!
None of us had been able to warm up before the swim so in my first few strokes, I opened the neck of my wetsuit while in a horizontal position and let water gush in. I was OK after that. The swim itself was lonely, I couldn’t draft much- as the title indicates, I swam too many extra yards even though the pace itself was decent. Clearly, I have my work cut out for sighting.

I got out and was a little disoriented mentally. I think it might have been because of that missed gel because the swim itself was fine. My calf muscles felt so heavy so couldn’t run up the incline that was T1. Then my watch paused before the wetsuit was removed which meant I had a very rough sense of how far along I was. I am still not sure why but focusing in T1 was hard and while I was slow, I noticed a small staple pin stuck to my heel. I wiped it clean, checked for bleeding and then carried on. I used the restroom in T1 (again maybe I was out of brain cells by end of swim and should have done this earlier) and checked the foot again and took off. I ate an egel during this time and also wore contacts and applied sunscreen . By the time I mounted the bike, I thought I had probably taken half the time in T1 as that in my swim, so I needed to bike fast!

Bike: Fire in the mountain! [56 miles, 4:04:18, 14.1mi/h]

My goal was 15mph average speed. I had to account for stopping for water and having an egel every hour so this would average out and hopefully put me above the cutoff. In the first hour I didn’t really stop and did around 15 miles at 1hr 5mins ish mark. This is something I had timed with the aid station since I had to eat my e-gel and refill the water. I restocked my hydroblade, refilled water and took off. In hindsight, this aid station could have been skipped.
I can’t recall anything memorable in the second hour except there were the hilly parts of the bike course. While it is no fun to look up when you’re on an incline and see more of it, I had practiced counting to 30 on Eden and spin and pushing while I counted. As soon as I hit 1, I would reset to 30 and my (Pavlovian?) response would kick in. This worked fine! I tried to sit upright by holding the elbow rest for my aero bars during uphills and this helped my lower back. I used my aero bars a fair amount on this ride. At some point in the beginning, I was riding without them and noticed the speed was below my target-  just going on the aero bars pushed me over to my target speed so for the rest of the ride, I pushed as much as I could without killing my lower back. I think my sit bones hurt a bit but the fire of missing the cutoff because of T1 was too much to give way to anything else!
I saw James pass me by within the first 5 miles and was relieved because I knew if he got the swim nailed, then nothing could stop the man. I also saw Souj twice and same feeling!

I spent some time mentally calculating cutoffs and trying to estimate how far behind I was and some time calculating how much I should make up in the second and third hour. I also wanted to time my stops with the aid stations where I could eat while the bottles were being filled. In hindsight, I wasted a lot more time at the aid stations. My own stop for a gel was short, but even with volunteers helping and adding water, I could have made it a quicker process.
There were also places where I wanted to go faster on downhill but someone overtook me just before and was now riding ahead and braking. Blah wonly! Sometimes there were cars in our lane and going close by which also impacted how comfortably you could overtake someone. Somewhere around middle of the ride, my brakes started to howl again. This meant I got extra looks at aid stations and course directing turns, I tried to ignore it remembering that it had happened in the past and the braking function was okay, but it’s a horrible feeling when you can’t trust your bike completely.

Inspite of the cutoff stress, I guess I was still in cheerful spirits and hadn't lost my mind. At some point a woman announced "on your right", this could be one of those times when your blood boils or you get in a fight, but I guess everyone was so toasted that we both started giggling like kids and I let her pass and then moved over.

I made one last stop at 42 and sped through after that. Just like in the water, you don’t stop until your hand hits the sand below, I didn’t stop using the aero bars and pushing until I saw the first of Team Asha peeps at the end of the bike route. I had clocked in 4:04 with my (unneeded) long stops and stopping for gels- probably my fastest. I saw Team Asha cheerleading gang and it was so awesome!

Run: Earn back the race registration fees through the aid stations [13.1mi, 2:59:28, 13:49/mi]

By the time I finished my bike ride, the temperature had crept up and I was also exhausted from pushing on the bike. The distance between the bike rack and my gear bag was two blocks. I would have tried to go faster in socks but the T1 incident gave me pause. I hobbled in my cleats, removed helmet and gloves (something I always used to forget). I changed into shoes, reapplied the chafing cream, ate a gel, popped a salt tablet, refilled my hand held water bottle, wore my cap and took off.

From the beginning itself, I knew the run will be hard but I was just relieved to not be on the bike anymore. I couldn’t be sure if I had passed bike cutoffs but I knew somewhere that I couldn’t have taken 40 mins in T1 so bike cutoffs should have been fine. I didn’t have much of a sense of how much time I had to run and I would try to do this with a fried brain over and over in the next three hours.

Throughout the season, I had trained to jog nonstop. When I would practice on the treadmill, I would train to push and walk in between. And I had run half marathons in the past where I had mainly run- walked but that gave me some confidence that even if it looked impossible, I was capable of doing that distance- I would come to rely on this belief a lot in the next 3 hours. The first mile was decent, I convinced myself I’m just headed to the aid station. But starting mile 2, I felt exhausted. It wasn’t so much that there was pain or major cramps, my guess is it was the heat since I had fueled myself totally on target throughout the bike ride. Around mile 2, I saw James and he seemed to be unhappy because of a cramp. I told him to chill and take it easy- I had no idea how far he was but if I had 3 hours, so did he! I told him I was tired. You could see the crowd had thinned out already. Whenever I’ve run a race before, I have always positioned myself in the middle so that even if I slow down, there are still running peeps around me. This wasn’t one of those days. A little before mile 2.5 I met a woman who was jogging consistently. We started chatting and I pushed myself to go with her. She was from SR and had done this course before. We did the math for both of us and concluded that we had time. It was so awesome to have her company for the 1.5-2 miles since I was able to jog along and talk. At one point I almost went on the other side of the run route and thankfully, she was alert enough to stop me from taking a turn. I also saw Vividh go by around this time and was so good to see a familiar face (yelling 'butter chicken' as usual)!

The entire run was a negotiation process with my mind and body. I first convinced myself that I’ll do 5 miles in an hour. In reality I got to 4.5 in the first hour. I was still feeling guilty about T1 fiasco but I reminded myself that I couldn’t lose this mentally with over 8 more miles to go. I talked to myself (as usual), fooled my legs by running and stopping without having a structure, and stopped at every aid station. Again, this was longer than needed but I took water, Gatorade, coke and poured ice over myself and inside my clothes liberally. I was also carrying gels in my handheld and ate dutifully every hour (egel for first hour and hammer which is lighter for the next 2). Since all of these were fine and yet I felt exhausted, I think it must have been the heat and general tiredness.
There were so few people that every time I saw them, I would call out and either try to get them to jog with me, or join them if I was walking and they weren’t. I met multiple such folks and every time we passed each other, I would ask them to run along- it not only made me feel stronger than I was actually feeling, but it also gave me the company I needed to break up the monotony. I also realized how hard it can be to push yourself when everyone around you seems to have fallen to a slow walking pace or maybe even given up. I met lost of first timers and it was fun to regale each other with stories and cursing the heat.

By mile 8 (the confusing u-turn), I was by myself again. But now I also knew I’m cutting it close to cutoff so I started pushing myself to run for longer intervals- this part was just hard.
Around mile 11.5, I saw Coach Char! That was the highlight! He started talking and he seemed worried that I was dehydrated or maybe exhausted (?), but once I started talking, he looked like he clearly regretted asking me to start! I was yapping away to glory. Coach kept my spirits up, finishing up would have been way harder had he not been there. I also realized I was probably one of the last people running but again, my mental sanity was a precious resource I had to conserve and so I avoided letting that get me down. Coach was super energetic and talking and helping others who looked equally miserable and out. He told me I had enough time to eat a meal and come back (I totally didn’t buy that!). He left me at the final turn and told me to run down with full Swagger (or something like that). I saw James on the side first, he looked so worried and relieved at the same time and I kind of guessed I’m close to cutoff. Then I saw Sumit and Shashi on the right side and Gauri. I saw Neha on the left urging me to cross the mat- I knew I’m definitely cutting it close!
And then it was done! There were crazy hugs, so much talking and all the pics and so much excite. The whole team Asha crew was there and I was done! With only 8 mins to spare, but it a race no one could take away from me.

Miscellaneous race thoughts

• I was dehydrated after the race, so no matter how much water you think you are taking, account for more on a hot day!
• I met Tim and Rinny (Mirinda Carfrae) in T1 after the race when I went to get my bag! Moral of the story, carry your phone when you go to pick up your gear bag- you never know who you'll meet!
• Eat before you start, maybe this is what messed up T1 and at least somewhat the bike and then run. It is a domino effect as your body will forever be making up for the deficit or tiredness.
• Your mental sanity is extremely precious in the race, don’t while it away.
• Learn to use the lock mode on garmin device.
• Don’t stop unless you have to- more so on bike than anything else. Could have saved 5ish mins since I had enough water.
• Post race pain lasted a day- this meant either I didn’t push enough or that I’m wolverine. In any case, means I’m capable of doing more.
• Think through the post race logistics: where to leave the phone, wallet and what you'll need right after. There will also be a LOT of stuff to carry after the race so try to plan ahead for this because if you're like me, you'll be zonked out!
• Some things to check or keep in mind:
• The hydroblade has water with salts in that- that could be messing up the disc brakes
• I got a slight cramp in my leg while biking- I learnt that if it goes away in a few strokes, then it’s likely okay.
• Learn to eat and drink while riding
• For me, the knee and shoulders get stressed a lot- working on your core regularly is for real!

What's next

I want to definitely train for a marathon and do another half ironman this year. Still deciding the course for the next year!

Acknowledgments 

(apologies if I miss someone, this is always hard!)
Some people are self-made- in contrast, I am a totally trained woman! My race was a culmination of so many experiences and contributions to my journey from so many people. I can't stress this enough- I may have done the miles on the final day, but it is a huge effort from a lot of people that went into this. Starting from team Asha, Coach Char, Coach Shashi and Coach Sumit who cared so much! They listened to my over-dramatic rants, my cribbing, gave me nuggets of wisdom, approved and disapproved of my choices, but were there with me throughout. The mentors, especially, Surya and Karthik were always there when I had a question or just random jitters to share. The power gang from my first year: Surekha, Pramoda, Akila and Nitya- it was kickass to have them around. Some of them would lighten the atmosphere by telling me "full aag wonly", some of them pushed me to go harder on the bike sessions, some of them always cared to follow up with a message after the big moments to check up, some of them had to say nothing but give me a hug before my race which said so many words. Whenever I talked to Surya, I came away with three realizations: one would be the answer to the actual question I asked, two was that I can do this and three, that she is a badass! All of you are awesome :)

Huge thanks also to Coach Chakri and the other alumni/mentors (Yuvraj and Ranjit who gave great tips and reassurance during our swims, Sankar who always had pearls of wisdom and laughed at whatever we said, Deepa), Coach Venki who had amazing bike/life tips and reminded me to always have swagger, the actual coords (Souj, Ashish, Gauri), the maybe coord and fellow aero bar wannabe (Deepak), my IMSR first-timer cohort (Souj, Deepak, Ashish, Vividh, Vishal, Maneesh, James), the other IM 70.3 peeps (Megha, Milind, Swetha, Suryakant, BB, ..) folks who got us started last year (Prasad, Stan), my 2018 cohort, my swim instructor, my HIIT instructor - everyone did their part in making this happen. Thanks also to the new Team Asha gang who came out to cheer for us at Santa Rosa and/or supported us throughout the season while we slogged it out - all of you are super inspiring.

Huge shout-out to Renuka, the real head coach who always had the right words to say and great tips throughout the season. It was awesome to have amazing women around me as I trained, especially Souj- you rock! Neha and Sumit were my go-to peeps at multiple points during the training- I would come to their place under the pretext of improv or triathlon training and then refuse to leave, thank you for letting me raid your kitchen and your time! Also, this list would be incomplete without the Mission point express (Deepak and Souj) who not only let me carpool with them since last year, but also provided amazing company both during training and off it, and made it all fun.
Thank you! I am privileged to have so many amazing people around!

Last but not the least, huge shout-out to James without whom there would be no food in my belly and no air in my bike tires- you are an amazing partner in crime! Also, shout-out to my brother, who is also training for his first half ironman this year and was as usual a fun companion to discuss anything under the sun with! And a lot more non-Asha folks who encouraged me along on this journey- thank you, everyone!

Next: [Part IV of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] Learning beyond the training plan

[Part II of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] The fall and the revival (May - June 2019)

[Forked from the entire race report for ease of reading]
Previous: [Part I of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] The off-season, the buildup and the rise (Sep 2018- Apr 2019)

May 2019

At the end of April, I was travelling to the east coast for ten days. I was nervous about missing training but I was confident I could manage based on how much things had improved since Feb. During my travel, I ran on a treadmill wherever possible and walked out for longer distances if not. I couldn't get access to a pool or bike but it was a great break! I also ran as part of a marathon relay team at Pittsburgh Marathon which will always be special since that was my first long race 7 years ago. I ran at a slow pace but didn't have to stop and walk and to me, that meant so much.

Lesson: There are so many ways to measure progress, make sure you find the ones that appeal to you or else someone else will give you theirs and you might be miserable forever! The race journey is long and brutal, might as well enjoy your own created victories and milestones while you're at it :D

I had noticed some fogging in my left eye a day before the race and a burning sensation. There was minor swelling. The next morning I wore my contacts and ran the race and the swelling was gone. The rest of the week was uneventful. I landed in California, worked for half a day and took a nap. By the time I woke up, my eyelid had swollen again. The first appointment wasn't until the next week but I could still see so I thought that was ok. Besides, I didn't want to miss open water swim for yet another weekend!

This was a bad idea. On Saturday morning, I went to Gull park knowing that I will likely not go into the water. Coach Char took one look and confirmed that it was a bad idea. I waited it out and was thinking about the bike ride the next morning.

This was also not meant to be. I woke up the next day with an even bigger eyelid and a cold. I found the first eye doctor I could and was diagnosed with a case of internal hordoleum (swelling inside the eyelid) which I was told made swimming a bad idea. I started meds and had to go back to the doctor every two days. I also had to stop all workouts because presumably it wasn't healing fast enough (and the cold didn't help).

I wish I could say I handled this phase gracefully, but that would be a big lie. I pinged the coaches, ranted to Coach Shashi on a long call about how it felt over because I was so close to the race and had already missed three weeks of training and how I'll never get to Kona (okay that last one didn't happen, but you get the over-dramatization here). All the coaches were extremely chill and told me to take my time to recover and Shashi stressed that after that, its their job to help me get to that finish line- that was such an amazing gesture for someone running around like a headless chicken. My eye made it look like I had gotten into a fist fight, so I couldn't really go to work, which meant lots of hours alone at home with a lot of time to doubt.

Looking back, maybe this was the time I actually became convinced about the race. It also jolted me to the reality that there was no telling this won't happen again and I actively looked for prescription sunglasses for the bike/run and polarized prescription swim goggles as a backup.

Lesson: If you wear glasses, there are a lot of small things you can do to be prepared for things that can go wrong! I cover this elsewhere but be prepared to use prescription sunglasses, and for wearing contacts when your hands are dirty after the swim etc.

I was still not cleared for swim but by third week of May, I decided to go for the weekend ride. As luck would have it, it rained on Sunday morning. So James and I did a double brick: I did a spin workout, followed by treadmill run, followed by another spin workout and another brick workout. It was hard, but it felt so good to be able to use my body again and I truly started to understand what people meant when they said you have to push yourself. I got back to swimming the following week and got some great tips from Shashi. It was really hard to go back to the pool after 5 weeks because my muscle memory of all the small tweaks I had built up in the first half and my endurance- both seemed to have disappeared.

All this made me realize the importance of having your mental sanity, looking back it was such a small thing but I learnt the hard way that I can't let my own idea of how things should be get in the way of appreciating how things are.

June - July 2019: The revival

I had used the down time to get my bike fitted- I still had shoulder and arm pain post ride but slowly the ride itself became more comfortable. I did take time to adjust to the new bike and the new position. It was frustrating to get back to things and find myself not where I thought I should be but that too passed. I actually learnt a lot about letting go and incremental steps during this time which has also helped me deal with similar challenges at work.

Missing training because of the travel/eye/cold did mean that I had to readjust my plans. I decided to drop HIIT for a semester, it was already physically too taxing to manage it with the triathlon schedule. I performed with my improv troupe in the beginning of June (which was great in terms of timing!) and had to mentally put it aside until the race. I said no to so many things because I knew the peak training phase will take all effort. I also decided to not travel outside until the race.

Lesson: In general, as your race gets closer, overestimate the time and effort everything else will take and ruthlessly prioritize. When you're not training, you'll be thinking about the training- account for that.

I picked up all three disciplines again, this time not skimping on the runs and slowly built up to the target mileage. I was still not hitting bike cutoffs in any of my bike rides. I also had a problem of not being able to eat/drink on the bike while riding so I got a hydroblade which helped! We had a mock tri in Gull park around third week of June where I experimented with wearing prescription swim goggles in the water, then changing into contacts, and using hydroblade on the bike- it went decently well.

Lesson: Try out every single thing you plan to use on race day, including whatever you have as a backup, if any. This includes wearing (or not) arm warmers under your wetsuit or calf sleeves under your wetsuit, or eating a gel before swim, or eating a gel before run etc.

In early June, some of us also did a mock ride at Santa Rosa, it was a crazy experience for me! I was on the bike for over 5 hours and the temperature had soared to close to 100! And then at mile 42 I got lost, and then at mile 42.1, I got a flat. I also ran out of water and had to ask a random Santa Rosa resident to fill my bottles. It was such a horrible performance but it was so funny and ironical. I had never seen what the front wheel of my new bike needed for a flat (kids, don't do this!) so when I got a flat in the front tube in the scorching heat, I easily wasted some 5 minutes just staring at the though-axle in disbelief. Anyway, I learnt so much in that ride.

Lesson: Practice flat fixing and if possible, under stressful conditions when you are tired. It'll tell you where all you can mess up!

By end of June, I knew that I had to push more since taper would officially start mid July. In this time, I gained a new appreciation for what my body was capable of- every morning I would be tired and feel like I couldn't do anymore. But then I would start the workout and it would all be fine. Throughout the season I also had several episodes related to periods since they were amazingly timed to always show up during one of the longer training rides so I also got some practice of working with that. This part was super helpful because I learnt that even though I would complain to no end, my body was capable of handling the activities just fine - something that was absolutely important for me to know during the race day. By the time we reached taper, I was decently satisfied with whatever I had done.

Next: [Part III of Race journal: Ironman 70.3 Santa Rosa, July 2019] Taper and the race day!